Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
