so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize