Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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