yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
