All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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