I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
