So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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