Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
