First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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