you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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