I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
