My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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