last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
