i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think my fart just growled at me.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
