She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
