You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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