drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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