I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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