You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
