I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize