Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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