i think i have two assholes
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
