So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
