I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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