don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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