But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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