After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My vagina is officially offended.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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