Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
