No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
