yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
