apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize