So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
