And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
