Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
