i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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