Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I need a burrito and a hug.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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