So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
