i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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