We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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