Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
