I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
