I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
