I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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