Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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