My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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