I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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