6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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