6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
