I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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