I smell stomach acid.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
