I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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