Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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