16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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