was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
