a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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