need another drink. this is the easiest way
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
