the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
