So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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