My hand turned me down
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
