you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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