Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
