after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She told me I should be a condom model.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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