First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I am naked and annoyed.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
