I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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